1- Talk to the person with compassion. Come at them with an open ear and heart. A person will become defensive if they believe they are being attacked. You're not there to prove your right and their wrong but to inspire them and provide them with insight.
2- Be sure you understand the situation before you confront. It is never right to just assume you know what is going on.If you look at the word "assume", and broke it down into 3 small words, you'd understand that assuming means MAKING AN /ass/ OUT OF /u/ AND /me/.
3- Perhaps a way to confront the person with the problem is by asking them suggestive questions. Like: Would you be willing to do X differently? Or Are you aware that you do X? May I suggest trying A instead of B?
4- Put yourself in a place of personal responsibility by letting them know how you feel when they do this or that. "When you do this, I feel this way" or " When this happens, it affects us this way".
5- Keep positive. Start out by being on their good side and not triggering them into being combative. You want to confront the behavior not the person. Compliment them on a strong suit they have and challenge it " I know you like performing your very best, and what I saw today was not the way you normally perform.." Don't use the word " but", instead use the word "and" after the compliment..
6- Don't be sarcastic when you are trying to talk with compassion. " I know you like to perform your very best, and what I saw today was your yuckiest performance ever.
7- Here is a hard thing to do, but try to mind your emotions. If you have a strong tie to what is going on, then your emotions could easily obscure your what your trying to accomplish. You may become defensive and combative.
8- When confronting, don't use words like "always" every time" "never" . These words only antagonize the situation and exaggerate the reality.
9- Timing is a key factor. Pick a time that both of you can talk with open minds.
10- When we confront someone, we usually have it all played out in our minds of what each person will say and respond and how the outcome will turn out. Normally it happens with you being right and them changing their behavior, but the fact of matter is, we should not go in with a predetermined outcome. Let what ever happen comes, and be satisfied that you were able to speak the truth.
eq.farraney ANOMALOUS
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